just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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