If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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