my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
