great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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