the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
