Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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