Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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