i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
