you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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