Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
