Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
