Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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