dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
