Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
