Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
