before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
