someone threw a dead crab at me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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