ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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