I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
