Umm I'm too high to move.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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