I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
