my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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