My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
