11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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