My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
