Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
