Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
