what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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