you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
