I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
