Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
