i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
