I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
