he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
