I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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