Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
