i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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