The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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