god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think I died a long time ago.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
we should paint friendship bongs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
