I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
