I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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