He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
