If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
