my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
