i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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