Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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