I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
