I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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