chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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