You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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