U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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