Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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