i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
