I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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