I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
