Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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