I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
